The “Get Good” Ethos and The Journey Home

How I learned to balance self improvement with self acceptance.

It’s out there somewhere!

I once believed that becoming a man required a defining adventure or achievement (a singular transformation event) but I discovered along the way that it’s a lifelong journey. One day, not too long ago, I woke up and I realized that I had been on that journey all along.

Once full of anger, I repressed it behind a facade of calmness. I feared my own demons and locked them away. Yet, as I swam through diverse waters, and ventured through rugged landscapes, I sought something elusive in the pursuit of adventure. My quest for fulfillment was endless, and I was perpetually chasing new goals with little appreciation for the accomplishment of dreams set by myself prior.

Throughout my life, I had many exceptional role models, but it was at a pivotal moment when I encountered my Mentor—an enigmatic figure in a dim alleyway of the old English town of Bath. He assisted me in unraveling deep-seated self-limiting beliefs, guiding me not to suppress my emotions but to embark on a profound two-year inner journey, ultimately leading me to the core of my being. As they say: when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

The Journey Home

Eventually, I addressed my anger and unearthed a boy within me who had guarded a deep grief. Far from being a devil, this boy was me, yearning for release from his burden. Becoming a man did not mean killing the boy—those "demons" and "weaknesses" were projections reflecting my own unforgiving self-hatred. Instead of silencing these feelings as I had done before, I revisited the painful memories he had held for me and released him with deep gratitude. What a shift—to view his trials with the same compassion I would offer any child today! From my failures to my heroes, I began to hold these past versions of myself in gratitude and honor. Thank you to the thirteen-year-old boy who endured heartbreak, abandonment, betrayal, grief, and sorrow so that I could be here today. Thank you!

With liberation from inner turmoil, I turned my attention to the realm of business, and honed my skills and achieved independence. However, with much more room for growth in this area, I realized that financial stability is yet one more piece of a much greater puzzle. It is as though I am assembling an image of my future self, with no reference to go by - sparing my own imagination.

Honoring the balance, walking the middle way, and recognizing the whole has become the center of my ethos as a young man. Getting good got me so far, but I can’t go any further with a broken heart. Now, there are reasons beyond progress for progress sake to keep pressing on. I still embrace my Promethean fire as one part of a whole, but now hold in the other hand the recognition that I am enough. I am worthy, and I always have been.

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August 2024 Skills Training

Leveling up remains a key responsibility for me as a young man. Having deepened my emotional fortitude, I’m confident that my skills will now drive positive outcomes, and I’m beginning to see the results. Although I’m not pursuing formal education, I’ve been self-teaching in several areas. I’d like to share my current hobbies and ventures with you, explain why I enjoy them, and discuss the personal growth I believe they are fostering.

Swimming

I’ve been a swimmer for as long as I can remember. While I’m not currently swimming in open water, I regularly refine my technique in the lap pool. For me, swimming is a form of meditation, and I still find joy in it despite the current lack of open water thrills. If I get a swim in, it’s a good day. Swimming gives me a grounded and invigorated feeling. With my busy schedule, I have started to fit my swim in at night. It’s the perfect time to listen to myself, process my thoughts and the events of the day, release tension, and intuit new solutions for the next day.

Weight Training

Since moving to the city and no longer cycling, I’ve focused on weight training to maintain my physical condition, strength, and mental/emotional fortitude. I concentrate on my form while gradually increasing the weight. I’ve found that this hard work has helped me overcome other challenges throughout the day, and feeling healthy and strong has made my life a lot better over the years!

Website Design

Designing websites has been a significant part of my work, and I really enjoy blending my talents in art and technology. It has expanded my skill set and enhanced my capabilities for future projects. I like to sit on my bed while building websites, and during repetitive tasks or purely visual segments, I enjoy listening to podcasts in the background. A website is a complex project, but every complicated task is simply a collection of simpler ones. Building websites has taught me to set goals, break down the steps to achieve them, and remain flexible to embrace the happy accidents that occur along the way.

Sovereign Technology

Thanks to abovephone.com, I’ve transitioned to a de-googled phone and a Linux-based laptop. The shift from Windows has been challenging but rewarding, and I appreciate the freedom these new technologies offer. Goodbye, Big Tech! Hello to the freedom economy! This has been a highlight of my year, and I have so much more to learn. I had delayed the transition for so long because it meant switching to a Linux-friendly video editor, but Above made it much easier. I’m now up and running, creating videos, thumbnails, websites, and more, all without Bill Gates breathing down my neck. This experience has taught me that I can adapt to new systems and that I don’t need to stay tethered to abusive systems for the sake of convenience.

Above Book (left) Above Phone (right)

Programming

Working on websites has introduced me to programming languages like JavaScript, HTML, and CSS. I’m starting with JavaScript to enhance my web development skills and find the journey both challenging and enjoyable. Writing in such a clear form of communication has helped me plan out processes more effectively, and I would argue that it has also contributed to my progress in the next area as well. I get the sense that by adding this to my skills it will open up to pathways where I would normally hit a wall, and learning to code has helped me to understand computers much better in general.

Business Leadership

I recently partnered with two trusted friends on similar entrepreneurial ventures. Since then, I’ve been amazed by how much we have accomplished as a team in such a short time. This experience has taught me valuable lessons in teamwork and leadership, and made me realize that these are among the most important skills I will ever learn. I’ve only scratched the surface!

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go as a team.”

Dr. Mark Trozzi

Blogging

Blogging allows me to explore and share my ideas. The positive feedback and support from readers have affirmed the value of my thoughts and motivated me to continue. It feels risky to put my ideas out there, but doing so has helped me develop the courage to express my opinions and foster open-mindedness as I document my journey in the public sphere.

Mario Kart

A nostalgic hobby, playing Mario Kart connects me to my younger self and provides fun moments with my partner. I enjoy mastering the game’s mechanics and sharing these experiences. Did you know you can block an incoming red shell by placing a banana behind you? You can even save yourself from the dreaded POW if you have a speaker box and time it just right! It might sound whimsical, but playing Mario Kart has actually improved my ability to make decisions under pressure and handle stressful situations outside of the game.

Sales Calls

Working part-time as a support analyst and sales rep for a company I deeply respect has provided me with numerous growth opportunities. The role has expanded my technical knowledge and communication skills, and I value the learning experiences from interacting with an inspiring range of customers. Although it can be challenging depending on the customer, the inner work I did before taking the job has helped me maintain a positive, respectful, and professional attitude. I also see it as a chance to brighten someone's day, even while focusing on complicated logistical or technical problems, and finding the best solutions for the customer. Overall, I feel that I’m getting an education that is better than what I could get in business school, and it’s even more meaningful to provide value and be compensated for my efforts.

Second Language

Learning Spanish has been the most humbling experience of my life. Now living in a Spanish-speaking country, I've come to deeply appreciate the power of communication. While I’m functional and nearly conversational, I recognize that there is still a significant journey ahead before I can fully share my gifts here. The benefit of this pursuit seems quite straightforward—I can converse with more people and discuss a wider range of topics! I’ve also realized how much I appreciate my affluence with the English language, and opportunities to talk in my native language are not taken for granted.

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Bye!

I’ve had this concept on my mind for a while and felt the best way to share it was to speak from experience. I believe that leveling up our minds and bodies is important, but without leveling up our hearts, we risk becoming like children driving a Ferrari—destined to crash and burn. This is important inner work!

If you’re a young person aged 18-25 and this article resonated with you, I’d love to connect. I’m part of a youth association that helps guide young men and women through the transition from adolescence to adulthood. We offer world-class mentoring and a wide range of services to meet youth where they are and support them in pursuing their unique quests. Having a growing network of ambitious, heart-centered friends my age has been a huge help for me, and much of the inspiration for my articles comes from our weekly online gatherings. If you’re interested, check us out at Over to the Youth.

Many of today’s struggles seem to stem from emotional immaturity and unresolved trauma, accompanied by far too much power. Change starts with the person in the mirror, so I’m starting with me. Someday, I too may become an enigmatic figure in a dim alleyway of an old English town like Bath, but for now, I’ll sharpen my blade, learn how to use it, and (more importantly) understand when to take it out of its sheath—and when to leave it be.